Sometimes I Wonder

August 4, 2017

Tags: faint glow, die of fright, existential depression, men having nipples, no answers

Sometimes I wonder. Why do we get hangnails? Why do men have nipples? What did the old folks do way back when, before knee surgery was an option? I know, I know: there are scientific answers for questions like these, and all I have to do is Google them. But that's not what I'm getting at, the answers. I'm getting at the wondering itself.

Do animals mourn? Is tofu slimming or fattening? Can somebody literally die of fright? Why is everybody so angry?

Somewhere along the line, just about a year ago, I began to lose what little faith I'd had in answers. I more-or-less stopped blogging, because I could no longer see any kind of glow on the horizon. Not even a faint one. Not exactly sad, I just felt tired. Existentially depressed. Like I'd seen it all, and nothing would get better. Endless wars being fought, inundating oceans rising, innocent people getting murdered, guilty ones getting rich. All videos watched. All books read. All possible conversations already had--over and over--about the same old tired things with the same old subjects covered and the same old complaints bleated out.

No answers.

It's the wondering that gets me up in the morning.


  1. August 8, 2017 5:16 PM EDT
    I prefer to wonder, too, M.A., and ponder, although, there's one arena in which I enjoy asking questions and listening for answers: true conversation. Sadly, there's not a lot of that to be had. People seem so staunchly preoccupied with the challenges of containing anxiety and dread, that they stay otherwise engaged... I don't mind. It leaves me more time and energy to befriend myself...
    - tame