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two sermonettes

I got up this morning feeling blue for no reason, except that I'm so fat and old and poor. Also (obviously) self-pitying. Not an appealing combination. --Oh, and then there's the bad knee, which I won't go into because nobody is interested. Not even me.

Thursday is my day off, so I made myself  Read More 
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guaranteed to whiten teeth in just five short minutes

Actually, this won't.

I lied.

But I needed an attention-grabber. And there's nothing right now like instantly whiter teeth, apparently. I mean, I like white teeth just as much as the next person, but if there's such a thing as a collective national obsession, it seems we're obsessed as a society over perfect smiles. To the point  Read More 
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official complaint department of the universe

That's what I feel like.

Please, no more bad news. This has been such a rough week.

Three close and old friends phoned me last night, boom boom boom, one immediately after another, from the moment I got home from work until nearly 9:30 p.m. when at last I was able to say goodnight and go nuke my pathetic little frozen dinner entree.  Read More 
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letter to the man who killed himself last night

Dear D.,

Your ex-mother-in-law called me awhile ago to tell me what you've gone and done. She didn't say how you did it and I haven't asked. It doesn't matter. You just wanted to be dead and now you are.

She said she wasn't really surprised, and neither am I, when you come right  Read More 
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waiting for the plumber

Here I sit, bathroom sink all a-leak behind me, listening for the reassuring sound of a service truck pulling up in front. Trying to impress myself with an attempted pun on WAITING FOR GODOT, except I can't come up with even a lame one. I might point out how my situation is existential if I  Read More 
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