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FAINT GLOW

Sometimes I Wonder

Sometimes I wonder about trivial stuff, like why must we suffer occasional hangnails? Or things somewhat more important: do crows and blue jays have a sense of smell, or what did the elderly of 1137 do to get around before knee replacement surgery or even wheelchairs were options? I don't know about the birds, but the people probably just died before getting old; that'd pretty much solve that problem. Okay, I realize there are scientific answers for questions like these--or at least some educated guesses--and all I have to do is Google 'em. But that's not what I'm getting at, the answers. I'm getting at the wondering itself.

Do animals mourn? Is tofu slimming or fattening? Can somebody literally die of fright? Why is everybody so angry?

Somewhere along the line, just about a year ago, I began to lose what little faith I'd had in answers. I more-or-less stopped blogging, because I could no longer see any kind of glow on the horizon. Not even a faint one. Not exactly sad, I just felt tired. Existentially depressed. Like I'd seen it all, and nothing would get better. Endless wars being fought, inundating oceans rising, innocent people getting murdered, guilty ones getting rich. All videos watched. All books read. All possible conversations already had--over and over--about the same old tired things with the same old subjects covered and the same old complaints bleated out.

No answers.

It's the wondering that gets me up in the morning.
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